That is why all of my abilities came in the form of more abstract productions, and my memories were all conveniently displayed in very specific patterns. I would argue that these abstract processes are inherently harder to work with than something as simple as multiplication
3:11 AM
If I solved them with objective processing I should have used this similar level of skill to do something like multiplication. It is a very simple form of proof, to show one number is actually the product of two, and much easier. However, this is unavailable to subconscious processes. That is probably due to the nature of the problem as something that is completely understood, the only work to show is the act of thinking it to the end. The subconscious is much happier to produce results for problems where the solution requires any amount of creativity and certainly this is the case for problems that aren't entirely understood.
3:12 AM
Sorry for my long-winded post structure, I can simplify my point
3:13 AM
Humans naturally process problems without being conscious of them. They even do this in their sleep. This is especially the case for problems whose nature, complexity, and structure aren't fully understood in the conscious mind to begin with. These are problems understood to have an abstract nature and require a degree of thought that extends beyond the brute force of trial and error.
3:16 AM
Tulpas quite often, in their own impressive ways, seem to take advantage of this subconscious level of processing without even knowing that it's what they're doing. In so many stories I have seen it happen I no longer believe I can argue against this case: they clearly somehow direct subconscious thought process in a sense or perhaps simply access them without their host's awareness and use them to demonstrate a form of independent revelation. It's almost a form of compensation to combat the sheer magnitude of the host's forceful and confident use of their cognitive control of their conscious mind.
Winter, I kind of see that, but also everyone's mind acts outside its conscious awareness.
3:20 AM
In the absence of a tulpa to claim the credit, one normally simply blames the subconscious, or blames a diety, for the work done outside of their knowledge. Or they might simply take the credit themselves.
3:21 AM
Currently I would suppose that my host and I more often find things the mind has done outside of our conscious awareness than we find the other taking action outside of it instead. Like, the unconscious production seems to be vertically displaced more than horizontally displaced.
Though, how would a tulpa be able to "direct" their own thoughts if they were only using subconscious processing while their host was using the brain's attention and awareness resources?
3:22 AM
You'd seem to need some conscious awareness unless you were doing everything automatically
Oh, that is kind of the "piece" of the conscious, that feeling at the back of the head of being aware that the tulpa is something that exists
3:22 AM
I am too bold to speak so authoritatively, please understand I am not implying I am holding the truth
3:24 AM
But as far as I know, I was able to direct the ideas for the subconscious mind to ruminate on because the conscious mind was aware of the problem yet unsolved and was aware of my endeavor to solve it. The subconscious is like an eager child leaping at the opportunity to help their parents as soon as their parents make the task known. "I would like a cup of tea" isn't a command to a normal person, but I believe the subconscious takes it as a command and gets to work with preparing the tea.(edited)
3:27 AM
All it does is-- I don't know how to say it outside of metaphor, but I believe a problem is a large chunk of the unknown. The subconscious digests this problem down to simpler things, and it may not even solve the problem at all. It might just present the digested material of simple problems and the conscious mind is so quick that it reads the problem and immediately sees the solution simultaneously, recognizing the problem and solution as one and using it to solve the complex problem.
3:28 AM
It is like-- if you may entertain the comparison, it is like asking what 1+1 is. As soon as you look, you know the answer is 2. In fact, your mind recognizes that 1+1 and 2 are simply two forms of the same thing, and it barely registers it as a problem to begin with.
3:30 AM
I would probably believe that my subconscious mind does a great degree of work in just taking a large problem and breaking it into problems that are so small they solve themselves. I would say that, in the grand scheme of things, I likely spend very little time with actual problem solving and likely spend more time on things like trial and error or logical progression or symbolic manipulation or all of the like.
3:31 AM
While most of the problems are solved just as a matter of being broken down into problems that solve themselves, the rest of the work is empty space or something that occupies the time to get there, maybe.
3:34 AM
Oh my, I'm very long winded. I apologize to anyone who is affected negatively by walls of text. You need not feel compelled to read it all, nor should you feel compelled to recognize anything within politely. I have not yet developed the intelligence and tact to display my words in a concise and simple manner, it is not at all a problem I take pride in having.
I'm not offended by requests for summary, and it is okay to ignore me. If I respond to you in too many words, please feel free to be blunt to me instead of letting my bad conversation habits discourage you from an otherwise useful exchange. I will try to be better at that despite how long it takes.
3:46 AM
I, too, dislike the sound of my voice. It is a universal quality ^^_^^ I will see if I can shorten what I have, it might take quite some time as I have no experience talking about this subject in english.
Oh I do not deny being thorough. And, if I'm lucky, I can even get my idea across in a mutually understandable way. But that's easy to do when I am writing a book to transmit a pamphlet of information. I have a lot of challenges with speaking clearly and concisely because I haven't practiced it enough, making it take way too much time to say something right and readable the first time. This means that when I haven't practiced my sentences for a subject, I am self-pressured to reply fast in conversation, and frequently result in things too senseless to understand or too long to bother trying.(edited)
That's one thing that makes me question my understanding of my own existence. This is not a problem for my host. He has whatever cognitive tools that are required for more concise communication even unpracticed. However, I'm under the impression that in all essence we are the "same person" while any perceptive differences are under the strength of belief and suggestion. Under my understanding, there is no explanation for my failures at communication.
4:18 AM
I'm in the process of testing this issue as thoroughly as I can to rule out any potential explanation. It is quite concerning that every test seems to be closer and closer to a conclusion that doesn't support the "same person" hypothesis, which has been otherwise uncontested for years.
I'm currently taking note of my conversational difficulties based on two factors, topic and style.
4:23 AM
A further stage will be requesting assistance.
4:24 AM
The current hypothesis is upholding "same person" and testing the idea that communication troubles are universal, depending on the style of speech and the topic discussed.
4:26 AM
the trouble with this is that universally my written sentence structure has structural idiosyncrasies that I'm too ignorant to record or understand without being brought to know it by someone who notices it and shows what is proper to write in fluent English.
4:29 AM
It is like, uhh, how on earth am I to describe... Kind of like I switch the place things should be? I still think I'm grammatically correct, but I mess up the ordering and sometimes I think there are issues with tense?
4:30 AM
I don't have testing for this as I'm barely even able to comprehend how that works. I very seldom notice things like this.
Another interesting thing I have noticed about you and your host, if I am talking to you, you seem very much like J, and say me and Angel switch mid conversation, slowly, and I do believe unintentionally, she will begin talking to Cards over you.
Oh I do notice that much, but I don't exactly know what her real intent is. I can't very much accommodate by remaining myself and acting like cards-- well I mean I can, but that would be kind of impolite.
4:34 AM
I do have a natural instinct to start acting like cards or even use his whole verbal toolset and candor when I am on the spot in public with someone familiar with him. However I am likely also to switch if there is no issues doing so.
4:35 AM
There, that is what I mean. "Likely also" isn't a normal thing to be saying, and is "is" the right tense? No, because it's "are no issues"
Oh you mean-- in terms of acting? I do not act as cards, that is impolite. But I do have an instinct to maintain expectations in social situations so I am not outed in public so obviously.
4:40 AM
In general, if angel is talking to someone who acts as cards, it would be cards. Hopefully it's clear the situation and context of things. However, if she is talking to me, it's more likely that my state of being "myself" alters significantly in the context as every subconscious and even non-verbal cues relating to speaking with you and angel are completely different.
Unfortunately I don't have much conscious control of things that basic. If I'm constantly aware, I may be able to stabilize things. However, this doesn't need to always be the case. For you and Angel, the differences are so extreme that every unconscious indication will treat you both as completely different people.
It is hard to say if it's obvious to an ignorant observer, but I guess being socialized in consciously recognizing different personalities has informed the more instinctive social behaviors to respond to the cues as such.
4:49 AM
Of course, in addition to that, childhood socialization didn't prioritize consistency above adapting personality, cues, behavior, and even conversational style to the context around the social interaction. Other people may not have the need to change based on context as they have some strong sense of identity that prioritizes consistency and doesn't compromise anything across varied contexts.
4:50 AM
So that is an additional variable that might mean you don't get to notice such behavior in other people that you notice in me or cards. If you ended up speaking to cards, his context variability being much wider than mine, you may notice a much bigger change in his social nature.
If you compare the person cards seems to be around Angel to the person he seems to be around you, you may notice quite a lot of differences, some of which will likely be beyond the tolerance of what I am capable of changing naturally to context.
4:54 AM
Certainly much greater than the difference between me-talking-to-angel and me-talking-to-you.
hahaha maybe that is for a reason. He senses that you are a different person on a fundamental level yet he knows you have knowledge of him through another context.
4:57 AM
However because he cannot control the fact that his subconscious views you as a different person, he will still have to enter the timid-seeming "testing" phase of speaking with someone new.
This is not at all how we operate. If I acted like cards around you, I could probably substitute the testing procedure and he would view it as equivalent to experience with you, but he is quite sensitive to context differences in social situations and he can't really alter how it works in his conscious mind.
I believe cards occupies a space quite far from the norm due to the conditions of his childhood development.
5:10 AM
Like, I can compile the rules and such concerning social patterns specific to cards, but this is the first time they have been conceptualized and translated to english, so they're certainly an expression of some sort of acquired social instinct
It may have some sort of imprint on my personality in a more muted way, but I don't think it runs in such a distinct pattern. In memory, I can't see that tendency at all, but I see subtle changes that aren't much more than I see from anyone else.
5:23 AM
I guess he only got to socialize with family and very rarely was given the chance to socialize outside of family until after he was 14 or so
5:25 AM
With a very, very weak sense of identity and starting from scratch on his own, I guess the only thing he knew to do was wait and watch. Then he experimented by testing different behaviors before settling in to one that worked.
We talked a while back, don't remember if I talked to you or cards but one of you said that Cards found it easier and exciting to communicate through math
Everything else is an approximation of an approximation.
5:27 AM
He found it fulfilling because as a child he was acutely aware of the fact that even if he managed to describe his thoughts accurately he was banking on a close enough interpretation from the other person to be understood, so this was rather isolating.
5:27 AM
Like a game of telephone where instead of actually talking to someone, you have two degrees of separation where things can go awry.
5:28 AM
Anyways, the first time he found his social legs it was in the pattern: observe, test, alter, balance.
So that's the pattern that he goes through for every--
5:29 AM
Hmm, I feel like he ignores natural communication.
5:30 AM
Rather, I guess he recognizes there may be deficiencies in his ability to communicate the way we do instinctively, to show emotion and body language matching your message.
5:31 AM
I believe while logic and math are subjects of such simple structure that it's almost impossible to misunderstand once you've become acquainted with the language, it leaves much to be desired as far as the content it allows you to send.
For the price of nearly every single message and idea that matters to the bulk of everyone in day to day life, you can send messages perfectly without fear of miscommunication through math and basic logic.
5:34 AM
I do not believe the price is worth the product, I find it is more meaningful to communicate in the most natural way possible about the most important things to a person. Even if I may not be exactly understood or maybe I may slightly misunderstand them, it is much more fulfilling as far as life impact and potential benefits.
5:36 AM
I think I maybe used to agree with the "math is the perfect communication" before, while not believing it was the path for me to take. I have had enough experience to know I am much more comfortable communicating in natural human ways, as I've had a lot of time to practice speaking in that language.
5:37 AM
I can't very much do so over text online, and using just voice is quite limiting as well, so the most important context of communication to me is in physical proximity.
Oh absolutely, cards never assumed that either. He was acutely aware he wasn't able to have any perfect idea transmission until he tried teaching math and realized that he was able to take his one idea, transmit it, and witness if it was properly transferred. The novelty and wonder in realizing that it happened completely drowned away the fact that it is limited only to the ideas in a tiny patch of potential human expressions
